My very first mother’s day is coming up on Sunday. I have to say, I’m really looking forward to it. What is it I’m looking forward to most? Is it the chance to appreciate my beautiful daughter and the fact that I brought her into the world? Maybe. Is it the opportunity to go out for brekky and get pressies? Probably. Either way, bring it on.
Motherhood is not exactly what I expected it to be. Which is to be expected.
One of the things that most surprised me, was how I’m still me. Well, duh, who else would I be, right? But, silly as it seems now, I did think that becoming a mum would somehow change me. I thought I’d be a better person. Less selfish, more patient. More mumish. But I’m still me. I still swear. I still shop too much. I’m still stubborn. Sometimes I yell at my infant daughter when I get frustrated. I’m not infinitely patient like I think I should be, and I don’t always change her nappy before I’ve had my morning coffee. I often doubt my ability to fashion the tiny person we have now into a functioning member of society.
Despite my shortcomings and misgivings, I’m a good mum. I love my daughter in a way which defies description, and I do my best to make her happy. I cook organic vegetables for her to spit at me. I let her dig her toes into my belly and sratch the inside of my nose and suck on my chin. I don’t hold her responsible for the loss of my figure, and I give her until her 21st birthday to reimburse me for the Hilton stay her father and I missed out on as a result of her choice not to breathe at birth. These are the types of things us quality mums do for our children.
Another thing I didn’t expect, is the increased empathy. I am so much more soppy, these days! It makes it hard to watch TV sometimes, I tell ya. Anything horrible I see, whether it be on the news or on some fictional television program, it all gets to me. Today I cried because a toddler had hot tea spilt on her. She wasn’t seriously injured, but she cried, so I cried. It’s because I can imagine how I would feel if that happened to Ella. I can picture absolutely any situation happening to her, and how that would make me feel. I can’t stop myself. (It would make me feel bad, in case you were wondering.)
There are some stories which are more upsetting than others. For example, a young woman I heard about today, Emma de Silva. When her baby girl was 19 days old, they were hit by a car whilst out walking. Emma is still in a coma. Her story can be found here.
Come mother’s day, after I’ve enjoyed my pressies and my brekky, I’ll be thinking about how LUCKY I am. I have a happy, healthy daughter whom I am able to love and take care of, everyday. We have a good man who loves us both, and wants to take care of us, forever. I have a mum of my own, who has always put my needs above her own, and continues to always be there for me.
Besides a million dollars, what more could I need?
(Feel free to shove this post in my face in a few days time when I’m complaining about how Ella didn’t sleep through the night, or how we can’t afford a TV for the bedroom. Ha)